Would You Like A Funny Face With Your Dinner?

Kadence on the phone with daddy they were telling each other over and over "I hear you" It was the cutest thing

my cute munchkins Ayden, Bethany, Makayla and Kadence

Beth's silly face

silly Ayden

so funny

Beautiful Makayla

Tonight at dinner my kids were on one. They were making faces at each other and laughing so hard. These are the moments that I live for, well and the moments when my little 3 year old says "mommy you my best." and my 6 month old smothers my face with slobbery kisses. These are the moments that make everything else alright in my world and this is when I can truly say that I love being a mother.

Broken but still dancing

My favorite saying fell and broke. That was sad but very fitting for my life right now. I was going to throw it away but then I decided to just keep it and glue it back together. We will see how that works out. But I thought that it was a very good representation of real life. And in the words of my great friend Lyndee "Life sucks, but I'm still dancing!"

I like to write especially poetry, it helps me express myself. I haven't really written any new poems in awhile but today one came to me.
                                                                            Am I?

     When you look at me what do you see?

Am I doing all I can, am I being all I can be?

When my words are spoken, when you hear my voice

Am I saying the right things, am I making a good choice?

When you look into my heart, when you see my soul

Am I broken to you or am I whole?

When your children are at my side

Am I being the mother you knew I would be, do I fill you with pride?

Or do you regret giving them to me?

Am I doing enough to bring them back to thee?

Do I make you laugh and smile

Or am I a never ending trial?

Do you think I am strong and brave?

Am I worthy to save?

I think I am to you, for you were there in Gethsemane 

But am I, to me?

-Amie L. Jensen

The Lord never gives us more than we can handle. Or so I have been told many times. I realized that I have faith in this and my Heavenly Father, but what I need to have is faith in myself and trust. Heavenly Father believes in me, so I need to believe that I can handle what I have been given. I need to believe in me and just keep dancing.

Motherhood And Life

If you have been reading my blog then you will know that I have been having a really hard time lately. My mom gave me this book "I Am A Mother" by: Jane Clayson Johnson. It is one of the best books that I have ever read. And it has helped me a lot. Here are some things that I loved from the book.

Motherhood


"I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth
Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...
I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed
Than twine a chain of diamonds about my carefree head
I'd rather was a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes
Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise."
-Meridith Gray

 "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, I've learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
-Author Unknown


"Don't ever say 'I am just a mother', for mothers heal the souls of men."
-Sheri Dew


Life

"You need not sing all the verses of your song at the same time."
-President James E. Faust

"You can't possibly do this alone, but you do have help. The master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you... Rely on him. Rely on him heavily. Rely on him forever."
-Jeffery R. Holland

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house than the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making court yards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but he is building a palace."
-C.S. Lewis

I love that! Absolutely love that! Because it is so true. I would be happy with being just a little cottage. I really would be satisfied with that, but the Lord wants to make us into a palace. To make us into the best we can be. I need to remember that when things get hard and tough and I want to quit that I don't want to be a cottage I want to be a palace!

Don't Quit
"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit...
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
-Author Unknown

God only gives us what we can handle, nothing more and nothing less. 

School

Bethany started second grade today! I can't believe how fast time goes by. She is growing up too fast. She was so excited to go to school and she loves her teacher Mrs. Benson! I am excited for her too. She is such a smart girl. I hope that she has a great day!

I am going to start teaching preschool to Ayden and Kadence so that should be fun and good for us all. They are very excited to learn. The best part about being a mom is watching your children learn, grow and become the person they are going to be.  I love that part!

The only sad part about school starting is that my sister Manda has to move back to Logan this weekend because college starts again too:( I am going to miss her a lot. It has been so nice having her here with me. It has made having Dale gone just a little bit easier. Now I am going to be completely on my own. Nice to know that I have some good friends I can count on and that Manda won't be too far away.

On the plus side though I get to see my parents this weekend when they come to help Manda move. And Ayden gets his room back.

We are going to miss you Moonda!

Disappointed

I was looking forward to seeing my hubby this weekend (we get to see him every two weeks) but today when he called me he told me that he won't be able to come home this weekend because a machine broke and they are on a deadline. They will have to work all weekend. So we won't get to see him for another two weeks. By then it will be a month since I saw him last:(

After the phone conversation I sat and cried for a few minutes and felt sorry for myself . I have been in a funk lately and I just can't seem to get out of it. You would think that this postpartum depression stuff would not last this stinking long. I feel like I am going to be on Zoloft for the rest of my life. Haha that's ironic in and of itself because that's depressing.

Today I was also missing Grandma Waterlyn a lot. I miss her phone calls, spending the weekend with her, and talking with her. She would always have the right thing to say to make everything better. I am glad that she is in Heaven but some days I just really wish that she was still here.

So with all of this and the flu going through the kids and I, this week has been disappointing.

Today

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you aren't beautiful , you don't have a special talent, you aren't creative or crafty, and no matter what you do you can't seem to shed those extra lbs you put on?(Even though they are the proof of having four beautiful and amazing kids.)

Have you ever felt like there is nothing in particular that is special or that stands out about you? Or that you just can't seem to do anything right? That you just aren't smart enough, fun enough or important enough?

Have you ever thought that you aren't a very good mother, wife, sister, daughter or friend?

Have you ever? Or is it just me?

Because I am having one of those days today:(

Humor

So it was a long weekend. Kadence got sick friday night, poor thing was puking all night long. Between that and Makayla not sleeping well I haven't gotten very much sleep. Needless to say I am more exhausted than usual.
But this just made my day: Bethany- Mom is what Kadence has bacterial or viral?
Me- Beth I don't know. All I know is that she is sick.
Bethany- I wish dad was here because he would know and would tell me
Me- I wish he was here too!
After some thinking on Beth's part and I thought the conversation was over...
Bethany- Theoretically I think it's viral
Me-( Trying not to laugh and thinking what am I going to do with her? She is only seven! I am in big trouble! She is so much like Dale!) Sounds good to me.
Made my whole day! And then she asked me if it was okay for boys to kiss her on the cheek. Now I have to go back to tell this story.
One day after school Beth tells me that this boy she likes kissed her. I freaked out but told myself to stay calm and I asked her where did he kiss you? Bethany told me in the classroom. (Love it) So I repeated, no where did he kiss you? Bethany tells me on the lips. First I wanted to go find that little punk and  say a few things to him, but I was proud of myself and I told her that she shouldn't kiss boys yet because that's how you get pink eye. (Lie, I know. But I had to do something) Backing up even more, Beth got pink eye once and hated it, thinks it traumatized her.  I think I am very brilliant to have come up with this. So far it's working when she get's older that's another story. Any ideas?
So any way back to what I was saying. I tell her no, that boys kissing her on the cheek is still too close and she will get pink eye. Bethany then asks me "Then where can they kiss me?" I want to yell " no where! You are too little for this!" But I calmly tell her that they can kiss her on the hand because she is a lady.  Heaven help me! Bethany, Bethany, Bethany!
I think you need to find the humor in life other wise you will just go crazy ( at least I know I would).

Best Day!

I had a great day today! A much needed day. My awesome, amazing and sweet sisters Amber and Amanda baby sat my four kids and my friend Lyndee's little girl so Lyndee and I could go get hair and nails done! They are the best sisters ever! I love them very much. I am a very lucky person to have the friends and family that I have. If I didn't have them I really don't know what I would do. Lyndee is my very fun and spontaneous friend who had the fabulous idea to go out today. I so needed this day:) I had a blast and I love my new hair cut and color! Plus Dale gets to come home tomorrow night until sunday afternoon! I can't wait I really miss my hubby. Then if this weekend couldn't get any better, saturday I get to go to a Tim Mcgraw concert!!!!!! Happy, happy day:)

Stressed and Overwhelmed!

I have to say that I didn't want this to be a place where I whine and complain and only have negative things to say but writing is how I release stress and my feelings. And I have to tell you that I have been trying to focus on positive instead of negative things but I just have to vent tonight.
Why is it that when things go wrong it seems like everything goes wrong? I mean really I can handle one thing at a time but everything at once it's just overwhelming to me. I really just want to bawl right now. I don't know how spouses of Military people handle doing everything on their own. I seriously admire them. I am having a hard time with Dale gone and so are the kids.
I feel bad calling him and complaining because what is he supposed to be able to do, I mean really? And I just tell him that he is doing what he can. He is working and supporting our family. It's just hard to be one person taking care of four kids and everything at home by yourself. I only have two arms well technically one arm because Makayla never lets me put her down. It gets hard to never get a break or a second to yourself. By the time I get Makayla down it's time for me to go to bed but I have been staying up late because I really just need a second to myself. I just feel wore out and exhausted. I am tired of doing everything by myself. I really was spoiled before my hubby left he helped me out so much. I didn't realize just how much until he left. Sadly isn't this how it always goes? I miss him but the kids are missing him even more than I am if that's even possible.  I think I am just really tired and when I am tired things look one hundred times worse to me then they really are. But yesterday and this evening have just been crappy. I am grateful that I have two amazing, awesome friends who are there for me. If they weren't I really don't know what I would do. Nights like this though I really wish that I lived closer to my family. Well, I am going to bed. Thanks for listening.