Something missing?

So Makayla has started throwing things away and putting things in the snack drawer. If something is missing like her sippy cup, binky, or you can't find your keys.... look in the trash or the snack drawer and that's where you will find them my friends.  Love this new thing she has discovered. Also she can crawl up the stairs all by herself she hasn't figured out how to come back down though, that's the scary part! Can't wait to see what she is going to start doing next. Who would of thought that having kids was an adventure of a lifetime.

My sister Amanda got her mission call! She is going to South Carolina!!!! And she leaves June 22nd! I am so excited for her! But we are going to miss her so very much, especially Bethany. Manda is her favorite! But it helped to tell Beth that she can write her letters, stories and send her pictures.

Nothing else is really going on. So that's that.

Bethany is 8!

So I know that I haven't written in forever! Part of the reason was because Dale's work computer wasn't working right so he had to take our lap top. I finally got it back:) Bethany turned 8 February 12th! I can't believe that she is 8! Where has the time gone? And she was baptized March 3rd. I sadly forgot my camera, trying to get myself and four kids dressed and ready I tend to forget things... like my camera! Oh well, luckily my family took some pictures I will have to get them and add them on here.
Her baptism was amazing. I was so thankful that Dale and my family could be there and Dale's family! We both have a great support with our families!
I didn't realize just how much Dale baptizing Bethany would mean to me. I am so grateful that he has the priesthood. To see him baptize Bethany was so amazing! It made me cry. I am so blessed and so very lucky! It was a great weekend!

On to more things... Dale once again won't be coming home the end of march and they don't know when this project will be over. I feel like it's never going to end, I need an end to focus on. But that's not going to happen.

I am going to be completely honest here.... which is hard for me because I tend to tell people that everything is good and that I am doing okay. I am very good at trying to do everything on my own... but I have to tell you that I hate it here, I hate living in Ogden, I dislike the ward I am in, and I feel like I am all alone, with no support system. My family is in Idaho, we have no home teachers, we didn't go to church for awhile and everyone thought that we had moved (no one thought to just stop by and check). I am sorry if I offend anyone but I gotta vent!

I am thankful for my neighbors Lottie and Annie, and for my friend that makes sure that I am still alive. And my sister Amanda. She is going to be getting her mission call soon. And My sister Amber and Zach. If it wasn't for them I would honestly go crazy.

No one can imagine how hard my situation is until you experience it yourself and honestly I wouldn't wish it on anyone!

I started sleep training Makayla so I could get a few seconds to myself which I have desperately needed! And she has actually been doing really good, and it has helped tremendously to have some time to myself. I needed it! I am not super mom despite what others may think and what I show to the outside world. I am only human, dealing with depression, loneliness, missing my husband terribly and outnumbered four to one! I am trying and doing all I can and my best because my kids deserve that, but I am only human. I am exhausted, frustrated and so ready to pack up and move to Idaho to be with my family! I am so over it all! If I had known how long this project was going to be we would of moved to Mississippi with Dale!

I am sorry but I hold it in and try to be strong until I just can't anymore and then I explode. And this is me exploding!

I have a hard time asking for help but I have been doing a lot better lately with that, and telling people how I really feel and what's really going on. It's just so hard and I feel so alone. Somethings gotta change and soon.